A Reminder to Remember

With your face crunched up tight against the pillow, thoughts begin to form. And right before that REM sweet spot of the night sets in, a persistent ringing sends a terror down the spines and throughout the halls of the entire building. One by one, bodies jolt awake. Fear stricken and unaware of what’s happening. Is this really an emergency or just a drill? Is someone pulling a prank or is this real?

Triggers are quite like alarm systems. An unexpected response. An odd encounter.  An unpleasant situation. All hold the power to jolt you awake, send a shiver down your spine, and pose the question: what is going on? It’s impressive what the body chooses to bury. Unresolved trauma. Childhood fears. The slightest thing can send you back to a place you hadn’t been in years.

But the same way the body buries the bad - keeping that moment to the back of the brain until a photo, person, or interaction ignites the memory - the body also buries the brill. “I do kind of have a bad memory, but when something is sentimental and I remember how I felt in that moment, it’s easier for my mind to trigger that memory,” Chakayla Ashford shared. Triggers get a bad rap for negativity, but really they’re like a built in bestie. Quick to remind us of how this situation relates to a previous, how that feeling stems from something separate, or what life moment is represented within a single snapshot.

Scrapbooks are a storage of triggers. Some good. Some bad. For Chakayla, scrapbooking was an unconscious activity from childhood turned passion project in adulthood. “I wasn’t actively doing it, but I was a hoarder of little knick knacks and trinkets. Just different photos and receipts and things,” she explained. Ashford didn’t start actually scrapbooking until a few years ago.

She has two categories for her scrapbooks. One is for things she’s collected. Think receipts, small items to look back on and remember. The second is for creativity. What is she feeling for the day? What does she want to play around with and create? Though both hold sentimental value, one is specifically designed just for fun. It’s her way of using art to explore her inner self, her emotions, feelings, and recall those special memories.

Just because it’s for fun doesn’t mean it isn’t taken seriously. Art, regardless of its nature, is significant to the artist. And Ashford too carries the weight of criticism when creating. “I have to remember it’s not about whether it looks the best or other people like it. It’s what it made me feel when I was making it, and can I look back on it and feel good. Feel that I can remember how I was feeling.”

Feelings matter to Ashford, but so do memories. So often in life we get swept up in the business of the day. We have errands to run. Work to be done. Deadlines to meet. Constantly on go.

Even in the fun days. Just hanging out with friends, going to a party, dinner, a movie. We experience life. We appreciate the moment we’re living in, but in the same second that it’s there, the very next it’s gone. Art is a complex tool that distorts the essence of time. A past memory can become a present affliction. We time travel across our creations. Drawing on former days for a contemporary display that poses questions and curiosity towards our future. That invokes feelings and emotions relevant to the past, but dissected and understood today.

Scrapbooking is Chakayla’s chosen art form. Introduced in her youth, but devoted to as a young adult. Sometimes looking back can be scary. We don’t want to keep a record of what happened because we would rather not remember. Even if we store up the good and isolate the bad, memories capture it all. It’s best if our bodies just bury it. That’s simply an illusion used to deceive, because the triggers are always there. No matter how dormant or silent they may seem, when the alarm system sounds, the jolt is going to come. Art offers autonomy in your alarm. You don’t have to wait for the ringing sensation to ruin your sleep. Take hold of your fire alarm and set the system off for yourself. Our memories sometimes fail us, unable to reflect on or retain that moment in our lives. Art is our reminder to remember. Set that artist free.

Read More of Chakayla's life and experiences by purchasing Issue 4 of Nobody's Nobody Magazine!